Don't you hate it when you give yourself an extra year?!?!?!
I thought it would be good therapy to write 34 things I like/love about myself......
1.
But I just don't have the time or energy tonight. It's been a wonderful birthday for me. I went to a chickflick and lunch with my mom and sister. Then Chris took me out to Goodwood for dinner and a wonderfully funny show at Desert Star. I even came home to goodies on my porch! Thanks guys! I have the best-est friends and family. I guess I'd have more luck naming 34 people who love me, but I wouldn't be able to stop at just 34 ;)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Resolutions #2
I will walk 10000 steps a day. This is something I need to work up to, but that's the point of a goal, right? I have already determined how I will go about this. I just purchased Walk Away the Pounds with bands for toning along with the workout videos. Yes, they are sometimes tedious but I figure with this and the treadmill, I will be able to keep myself motivated. So if anyone is interested in taking a walk and don't mind having a 50 lb Basset along for the stroll, give me a call. I''ll be more than willing.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Mother
Our book group is reading The Mother in Me which is a collection of essays around motherhood, in all it's aspects. I just wanted to give a shout-out to all those "mothers" in my life that take care of me, nurture me, watch over me, befriend me, and leave lasting improvement upon my character and heart. Most of you who will read this have made an impact on my life and I thank you for it.
To me a mother is someone who nurtures, protects, teaches, and serves those around them. It is a woman who can give of herself without a second thought as to why she is or who is to benefit from her service. Are we not all mothers?
To me a mother is someone who nurtures, protects, teaches, and serves those around them. It is a woman who can give of herself without a second thought as to why she is or who is to benefit from her service. Are we not all mothers?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Update:
Ok so I resisted the cheese fries, but that diet coke sure knows how to cure those woes. Once an addict, always an addict I guess.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Rambling PHAT Dreams
My dream last night has really made me stop and think. I had reached my boiling point and chewed out a friend in front of many friends (pounce night). Boy was I livid and did everyone know it. I hope that many of you reading this will think, "That's totally out of character for her". I strive very hard to keep things in check and not allow y'all to see me lose it.
Having said that, I'm not my own best friend. If you think some pretty nasty things about others occasionally, I've told them to myself regularly. I am an adult victim of childhood abuse. Before you freak out, let me explain. As a young child I was molested/abused by someone I trusted and was trusted by my family. My mind was very efficient in repressing this memory and keeping life good for me for many many years. It wasn't until Zacory reached the age of which I was abused that the floodgates opened and opened WIDE. Having talked with professionals, this is actually quite normal and happens often in these situations. I have spent that last 5 years trying to reconcile the emotions of my past life experiences with my current life and still struggle from time to time...often to be honest. I am dealing with the effects of childhood abuse as an adult.
I'm obese. Ironically, it has been in the last 5 years that I have gained all of it. Granted, I have had two more children who have contributed to this state of being, but cannot be blamed for all of it. It's very easy to blame it on my molester and the repressed feelings of history. I'm sure that's part of it, too. I'm also part of family with the genetics to predispose me to obesity. Just look at the family picture taken this summer at our family reunion. Half of us are overweight. Those are all really good reasons for my current state of being. However, I think the real reason I'm like I am is because I don't love myself. I guess I have to like myself somewhat otherwise things would be very different. I guess I don't see myself worthy of a happy, healthy life?
I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of working my @#$-ets off just to lose 1 stinkin' pound. I'm frustrated that I can have a week of eating "clean" and working out every day to only lose a few ounces only to have a week full of holiday feasting and lose a pound. I'm tired of a finicky body. I'm tired of always being reminded that I'm not succeeding at this venture. I have gained and lost the same 4-5 pounds over the past 5 months. I'm tired of stepping on that scale every week with a pit in my stomach and a question in my mind, "Please, please, be a good number".
With all that being tired, I can't bring myself to even try. I've lost my drive. I watch those around me and those featured on "fat" shows and think, "Good for them, that will never be me". I hear people say all the time, "If I can do it, anybody can do it?" Really? Is that really true? I guess the question is why them and not me? What makes me so much different from them? I guess the question to be asking is if I'm ready to shed my shell; physically, emotionally, socially....
I don't know. Thanks for sticking with me through such a long post. I'll go get my diet coke and cheese fries and everything will be better tomorrow, right?
Having said that, I'm not my own best friend. If you think some pretty nasty things about others occasionally, I've told them to myself regularly. I am an adult victim of childhood abuse. Before you freak out, let me explain. As a young child I was molested/abused by someone I trusted and was trusted by my family. My mind was very efficient in repressing this memory and keeping life good for me for many many years. It wasn't until Zacory reached the age of which I was abused that the floodgates opened and opened WIDE. Having talked with professionals, this is actually quite normal and happens often in these situations. I have spent that last 5 years trying to reconcile the emotions of my past life experiences with my current life and still struggle from time to time...often to be honest. I am dealing with the effects of childhood abuse as an adult.
I'm obese. Ironically, it has been in the last 5 years that I have gained all of it. Granted, I have had two more children who have contributed to this state of being, but cannot be blamed for all of it. It's very easy to blame it on my molester and the repressed feelings of history. I'm sure that's part of it, too. I'm also part of family with the genetics to predispose me to obesity. Just look at the family picture taken this summer at our family reunion. Half of us are overweight. Those are all really good reasons for my current state of being. However, I think the real reason I'm like I am is because I don't love myself. I guess I have to like myself somewhat otherwise things would be very different. I guess I don't see myself worthy of a happy, healthy life?
I'm tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of working my @#$-ets off just to lose 1 stinkin' pound. I'm frustrated that I can have a week of eating "clean" and working out every day to only lose a few ounces only to have a week full of holiday feasting and lose a pound. I'm tired of a finicky body. I'm tired of always being reminded that I'm not succeeding at this venture. I have gained and lost the same 4-5 pounds over the past 5 months. I'm tired of stepping on that scale every week with a pit in my stomach and a question in my mind, "Please, please, be a good number".
With all that being tired, I can't bring myself to even try. I've lost my drive. I watch those around me and those featured on "fat" shows and think, "Good for them, that will never be me". I hear people say all the time, "If I can do it, anybody can do it?" Really? Is that really true? I guess the question is why them and not me? What makes me so much different from them? I guess the question to be asking is if I'm ready to shed my shell; physically, emotionally, socially....
I don't know. Thanks for sticking with me through such a long post. I'll go get my diet coke and cheese fries and everything will be better tomorrow, right?
Publicity
I've had a private blog for about a week and it's driving me CRAZY! I thrive on the feedback to fuel my insanity. I've reverted back to a public account so I can be on everyone's reader and get my ramblings out there. Thank You to all of you who accepted the invite I sent you. I may try it again in the future, but for now, the life of my blog depends on it.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Resolutions #1
A good friend of mine has a blog about no more grocery shopping. Her one month experiment of not going to the grocery store really inspired me. I did my own experiment in December and liked it so much, I've resolved to do this every month.
I planned all of my meals for the month. I only go grocery shopping twice, after payday. That way I feel better about replacing the perishables like milk, eggs, cheese and produce. It really worked out nicely. With the busy-ness of the holidays and lots of not knowing where you're going to be from week to week and last minute get togethers, it was a relief to not always be planning and shopping and just running around. BTW, it saved me about $500. Not bad if I do say so myself.
Along with this resolution to keep this up, I will be weeding out my recipe cupboard. As I use a recipe, I will consolidate. I have many magazines up there that I only use one or two recipes out of and they take up a lot of space.
I haven't decided if I will catalog these recipes on the computer or if I will hand write them to include in my recipe box. I don't know. Still looking for "da bomb" of recipe collections.....Any suggestions?
I planned all of my meals for the month. I only go grocery shopping twice, after payday. That way I feel better about replacing the perishables like milk, eggs, cheese and produce. It really worked out nicely. With the busy-ness of the holidays and lots of not knowing where you're going to be from week to week and last minute get togethers, it was a relief to not always be planning and shopping and just running around. BTW, it saved me about $500. Not bad if I do say so myself.
Along with this resolution to keep this up, I will be weeding out my recipe cupboard. As I use a recipe, I will consolidate. I have many magazines up there that I only use one or two recipes out of and they take up a lot of space.
I haven't decided if I will catalog these recipes on the computer or if I will hand write them to include in my recipe box. I don't know. Still looking for "da bomb" of recipe collections.....Any suggestions?
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Happy New Year!
How did you spend the last minutes of 2008? Were you surrounded my family and friends? Were you lying in bed watching the "ball" drop only to roll over and go to sleep at 12:01 am? Or were you like me and was jamming to Guitar Hero and totally missed the hoopla.
We had a quiet evening at home. We allowed the kids to stay up as late as they could and toasted the new year with Chicago.
After getting the kiddos in bed, Chris and I started jammin'. We finished a gig and then both asked "I wonder if it's midnight yet?". As we both looked at our watches, we were shocked to notice it was 12:05! WHAT! I missed the celebrating with everyone else? We just looked at each other and laughed, gave each other a quick kiss and then played our encore.
We had a quiet evening at home. We allowed the kids to stay up as late as they could and toasted the new year with Chicago.
After getting the kiddos in bed, Chris and I started jammin'. We finished a gig and then both asked "I wonder if it's midnight yet?". As we both looked at our watches, we were shocked to notice it was 12:05! WHAT! I missed the celebrating with everyone else? We just looked at each other and laughed, gave each other a quick kiss and then played our encore.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
