Blessedly Screwed

So, I'm a "glass is half empty" kind of gal. My first instinct is to go directly to the negative, have my fit, then begin to think about the positives and the better half. I would love to be the "glass is half full" kind of gal right off the bat, and I'm practicing, but old habits die hard.

As I was contemplating just how screwed up my life is right about now, I had a paradigm shift. I actually stopped mid thought and told myself to count my blessings. Here are just a few:

1. My home: Although we lose shingles off our roof during every windstorm, we haven't gotten wet yet. I LOVE my neighbors. I love that one neighbor will set out a chair for me every time she's outside with her children so we can visit. I love all the kids that want to gather in my garage to make up the next game. I love it's openness and all the sunshine that comes in through the windows, especially in wintertime. I love that I live at the end of a long cove; that cars aren't whizzing by making me nervous with the kiddos outside playing. I love that we have so much open space behind the house. It's a great place to gather and play games.
2. My/Our Livelihood: I love that I can work from home on my own terms. I love that Chris allows me the space to go this. I love that I can be in this venture of Small Business Owner with my sweet husband. I love all the things we have learned about one another and about being SBOs. There has been A LOT of room for growth and although we may still struggle, I'm grateful to be part of a business that serves the good of humanity; a business that is there to improve their quality of life.
3. My Friends; old and new: I have the best friends one could hope for. While attending a Book Group discussion, I realized the the definition of "friend" changes with marriage. The things that you couldn't wait to tell your best "girl" friend are now things that you can't wait to tell your husband (speaking from a woman's perspective obviously). Chris is my best friend, but I've been blessed with many women around me to support me, inspire me and rejoice with me. I think it's important to have different kinds of friends to help you grow and become better. There is one person, in particular, that doesn't consider me her friend, but she's mine just the same. She has taught me many important lessons, ones that I've been ready for and some not so ready. I have taken everything she's said to heart and I'm grateful to her for her wisdom. She doesn't invite me to her home to socialize and doesn't call me on the phone, but I still feel a connection to her and consider her a friend. I'm also grateful for the opportunity to make some new friends in our new ward. I have the best of both worlds. I'm grateful for my friends that accept me for who I am and what I'm able to give at this point in my life and have that be enough for them.
4. My Testimony: Contrary to what others may believe, I do have one. I have a very strong one that pulls me out of despair and helps me progress down the straight and narrow. I realized just yesterday that I am indeed on the straight and narrow. Some may call me a prude, some may call me "Molly", but I'm at a point in my life where that's OK. I'll accept the names with grace and relish the fact that I'm choosing the right. I have witnessed so many blessings in our struggles over the past few years and know that I have a loving Father that knows who I am and what I need at just the right time. I believe that the things I do to grow closer to the Savior are accepted and rewarded. My faith has been tried many a time and has seemed to have been snuffed out on occasion, but yet it still grows however slowly that may be.

Originally, I was going to write about all the things that are "screwed" up in my life right now, but it wouldn't make you or me feel any better in the long run. I hope you have been able to count some of your blessings and will share them with me in the future....

Chopped

"Shakespears, you have been chopped" is what I heard in my head as the Stake President read our names from the pulpit. Funny how you can be truckin' along and WHAMMO you're whole life changes.

To make a long story short, the Stake redrew the ward boundaries. The street I live on and the little street behind me were annexed from 2nd ward to 3rd ward. It's about 100 people, but only 15-20 active families. To make sure everyone was on the right page, the Stake President read everyone's name that was to move to the 3rd ward.

We had to say goodbye to our Home Teacher yesterday. He has been coming to our home for the past 48 months and I don't think he's even missed one. He has really been a great home teacher. He mentioned yesterday that he has never had a family that long and we haven't had the same HT that long either. It was really, really hard to sit in my Family room and listen to him say good-bye to us.

I love my 2nd ward. I have felt at home from the beginning. I have never felt judged, never felt unappreciated, never felt like an outsider.

Isn't it funny how we form such special bonds with the people we go to church with? Even though our neighborhood is predominantly LDS, we are more bonded to the people in our Ward? My hope is that the invisable line that separates us as ward members will not separate us as friends.

Family Pictures

A few weeks ago, we ventured to SLC for family pictures. Here's just a sampling of what we got.

Coupon Challenged

"We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edge of print. It gave us more freedom. We lived in the gaps between the stories."-Atwood

I may not be published in the newspaper, but I'm writing my story here. Does that mean I've given up my freedom? Does the word define me or do I define the word? HHMMM......

I've been trying to make some adjustments in our family life. One of which is to coupon! I love hearing all the stories about all the money being saved and think how wonderful it would be to apply that to our family budget. I dream of walking into a store and only paying $.50 for a whole bag of groceries. I personally think that is too good to be true....

AND so Karma makes it's way into my life. If I don't believe it, it will never happen, right? I'm not applying "the secret" very well.

In the past 3 weeks, I've only received my papers once. I fail to understand what is so hard about delivering a newspaper. Other than the fact that I'm suppose to have 5 on my doorstep every Sunday. And it's not just me. There are numerous others in my neighborhood who have multiple papers on their driveways. Those red plastic bags glistening in the sun...I'm so jealous that it's not on my driveway. How am I suppose to save $100's of dollars if I don't get my paper?

Maybe I'm just not cut out to cut coupons.

Admissions

I had a realization just now that I need to write down:

I was that girl in High School that seemed to have everything. She had her own car (or van to be more precise; not that glamorous), she got to be out late with her friends, she was a cheerleader, she dated the guy on the football team (just one and he wasn't even the captain AND it was very brief). She just had it all going for her. She got good grades, she was friends with the teachers, she had a large group of friends. You name it, I probably was all those things and so much more to a lot of people. I'm sure most saw me as successful, having my head screwed on straight....I'll even venture to guess that most thought I would travel through life fairly easily and come out the other side just full of optimism, lots of friends, and a nice car to boot.

I hate to break it to ya, but I'm none of those things. More to my point: I'm that girl that had everything in High School and lost it all. High School was so easy compared to being an adult and a Mom and a small business owner. It is DANG hard! Should it really be this hard? I'm sure I'm making it out to be much worse in my head than it is in reality. Some days my children are lucky I don't lock them out of my house just to get some peace and relief, but wait, if I did that then I would worry about them getting hit my a car, or someone snatching them from my porch only to claim a hefty ransom.......

Lately, I am in a gall of reality and it stinks! I cannot see the bend in the road let alone the light at the end of the tunnel. It seems that no matter how hard I try to get a handle on something, anything, it just eludes me. I can't get ahead to save my arse! I guess the lesson here is to just let go. Maybe it eludes me because I'm holding on too tight?

What it comes down to is I feel very mediocre in my life right now. I don't feel that I'm succeeding at anything; there's always so much more to do that the stuff that does get done gets lost. I had a professor in college say: "If you don't stand for something, then you'll fall for everything". I think my mind has changed it a little to read: "It's better to excel at one thing than be mediocre at everything".

I actually know why all this is happening to me right now, it's time for growth. It's time for that hurtful, agonizing growth that our Heavenly Father asks of us once in awhile. Although I don't seem to be fully recovered from my last adventure in this growth arena. So long to "comfortable". I won't be seeing it for awhile.

Heck on Wheels

Samantha is just growing before our eyes. I can't believe that she is riding a two wheeler at 4 years old. She loves to be riding about with her brothers and the other neighborhood boys, but those training wheels were just slowing her down.

Once I was comfortable with her ability to balance on the Razor, I thought it was time to take those wheels off. She was a little wobbly at first, but she has gotten the hang of it. She can even get herself started, if and only if, she's on an incline not unlike our driveway.

This is my baby. This is my little girl and I'm a little sad that she is growing up so fast......That's a lie. I'm so proud of her. I'm so excited for her excursions and becoming more independent each day. I love that we can have conversations and talk over making bracelets and necklaces with her beads. I love that she tried to read the book along with my at night time. She is truly an
amazing little person and one that I love bunches.

Checking In

Just wanted to let everyone know I'm still around. I have some pictures of the last day of school I've been wanting to blog about but haven't found the time.

I've started writing my Dad's biography. It is amazing to learn new things about my Dad that I have never known. He has some amazing stories to tell and some very funny things that have happened in his life. I'm starting to get re-acquainted with my "writers" side. I bet you didn't know that about me, huh?

So between keeping my kids' brains exercised, keeping my body exercised, keeping everyone fed, and writing, I have little energy left over for blogging. I'm trying to save Sunday afternoons for it, but as always, those get filled up rather quickly and unexpectedly.