Keys to the Kingdom

CLASSIFIED: The following are the secrets of Mormondom that they don't want you to know before you join their ranks!

1. You have to drive a van if you expect to "get" anywhere. If and when you are called to serve the youth, you need all the seats available in a large scale vehicle. After arriving in CA and the ward found out we had a van, they asked us to car pool for Seminary. Well, we had a cargo van with only 5 actual seats. That didn't stop them though. They put benches in our cargo area and had all of them sit there instead of on the floor. Hummm, not very safe if you ask me.
2. Every year you will be asked to dress up like a pioneer in authentic garb. This includes a homemade dress, apron, bonnet and of course dusty boots. Hey, I'm a pioneer. I'm the first Stay-at-home mom in 3 generations. I think my jeans and T-shirt should be acceptable on the next "trek".
3. Not only will you need authentic pioneer clothing, you will also need to add a complete costume kit to re-enact the Manger scene, including an angel, shepherds, wise men, cows, sheep, camels, donkeys, a baby doll (unless you plan on giving birth every year the first of December), and Mary and Joseph.
4. You will also need a sewing machine and basic sewing knowledge. Why? Because of those darn scouts. You will not only need to sew those %#!@ patches on their shirt, but change them with every move to a new district. If by chance you never have a boy in your life that associates with scouts, you will need it to make your authentic pioneer dress.
   
5. You think you may be fine with your Scriptures and study guides in your bag, but NOOOO. You must also carry cheerios, a "quiet" book, and wipes regardless of your "child" status. These are used to share with others or to dissociate yourself from the chaos around you. The cheerios for your husband to keep him awake during High Council Sunday, the "quiet" book the "cute" kid in front of you, and the wipes to clean off your sleeve from the grubby hands behind you.

Now aren't you glad I shared these with you? So, start today. You can use your van for storage of your new costume collection, sewing machine and church bag that weighs a ton. That is until you are asked to carpool to Seminary.