Although this is the title of one of my favorite shows, it simply describes how I feel lately.
As you all know, we have gone through a lot of changes recently. I think the straw that has broken my back is the death of my father.
We all knew it was inevitable as he has been fighting a losing battle with cancer the last 3 years. However, as much as you think you are prepared for it, NOTHING can prepare you for the mix of emotions that reek havoc with your life.
I try to function for the sake of my children, but I just can't seem to get going. I have a baby due in 8 weeks and I have no gumption to prepare a crib, wash up clothes or to even shop. I have no desire to explore our new surroundings here in Eugene.
I am lost and as I sit and ponder who will find me, I realize that now is the time to strengthen my relationship with the Savior, with my family and to finally become my own best friend.
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I haven't lost a parent, but I know that 'lost' feeling you're describing. I feel it often during my more difficult bouts of depression. Here's what has worked for me in the past: Get out in the sun as much as possible. Exercise. Eat right. (I know exercising and eating healthy are the last things I feel like doing when I'm down, but when I force myself to do it, it helps SO much). Get plenty of sleep. Get lots of physical contact (hold your kids, have your husband hold you). Cry, sob, bawl your eyes out (this can be so therapeutic). Write down feelings and thoughts, even if they don't make sense. Pray. A lot. Talk to people who love you, who are excellent listeners, and who are 100% supportive.
Your inclination to turn to the Savior is right on. He knows what you're going through. He understands your pain because he has felt it. It's a miraculous experience, feeling the Savior's love wash over me when I was so empty inside -so incapable of feeling anything else. He loves you. We love you too. Feel better.
Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself a break. You are in a very rough time, and with each day, it will get better, even if the improvement is almost undetectable at times. You sound like you're approaching things in the best way possible. Chin up, happier days are coming.
I am here for you if you ever need some help or someone to talk to.
You're not alone Christi, you may feel like you are, but you're not. I'm glad you know where to turn to though, and just wanted to say that you're in many thoughts and prayers here in Utah. And some day, you'll feel the same way about Oregon, in a different way, but all the same anyways.
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