Ponderings

There have been so many changes lately, that my heart and brain haven't had time to process it all. I thought I'd sit down today and do a little catching up.

• It pains my heart when I think of all the wonderful friends and family we left behind in Utah. I did my best to put on a happy face and keep my comments positive, but man, it has really been a struggle to keep the tears at bay. Chris and I have been married for 12 years this August and Lehi was the one place we had put down roots. We lived there for nearly 5 years which is the longest of anywhere. We lived in Philly for 4 years, but always knew it was temporary and didn't really allow ourselves to get attached. This was NOT the case in Lehi. We grew to love so many people and they really became special to us. I didn't realize how much I LOVED Lehi until I've lived here for a week. Mine is a lonely existence so far and I really really want to make some friends. I just don't want to appear overeager and scare normal people away.
  
• I really dislike my pregnant body. Many of you know, I worked hard to lose 30 pounds this last year. I was feeling very confident and optimistic about my future. Then things changed and it was time to finally have baby #4. What a mess! I've discovered the first signs of varicose veins. UGH! Don't even get me started on the stretch marks. I know, these are all things that many pregnant women face, but now my ankles are swelling and I'm sporting "support hose" to keep the pain at bay. I'm just falling apart. My 30 pounds is back with a vengeance and I haven't even started my 3rd trimester yet. I have never enjoyed being pregnant and I don't know why I thought this time would be any different. I have yet to find the joy of procreation except for maybe the actual "act". I've never enjoyed the larger breasts, my swelling abdomen and totally fail to see my personal beauty while being pregnant. Now, please don't misunderstand me: I'm very grateful to have this baby growing inside me and realize the privilege it is that not all women enjoy. I'm simply having a vain moment.
• I really love my husband. He is so kind and gentle. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body and is really accepting of all aspects of his life. He works hard and tries his best. Sometimes, as we recently learned, his best isn't good enough. I'm grateful that he is wise enough and humble enough to make the necessary changes to help our family survive and eventually thrive. He has been a champ through all these changes and has been my rock through it all. He truly is my best friend, and I'm glad we have eternity to be together. I'm grateful he cherishes his Priesthood responsibilities and blesses our home with it's power.
  
• Our new ward is.....I think I'll reserve my judgments for later. We have been asked numerous times how long we plan on staying. Well, we aren't students, we aren't here for a contracted amount of time, and we don't have any ties to the Northwest. We are simply here and will remain here until the Lord takes us somewhere else, I guess. I find it rather entertaining. There were all of 9 children in Senior Primary and this included my 2 boys today. My hope is that by the time school starts and families are done with vacations, they will be in the double digits on a regular basis. We have the "office" missionaries in our ward which includes the senior couples. Today, they spoke about the joys of service and made the plug for more couple missionaries. That's never something we would've heard in our old ward. It was kinda refreshing. It will take some time to adjust, but we look forward to getting to know more people and finding some lasting friendships among them.

Well, I could go on and on, but it's time to put the kidlets to bed and put my swollen feet up. I realize this post should have been titled "ramblings" but I have thought a lot about what I wanted to write and how I wanted to write it, hence it has been pondered upon.