So I've been contemplating this blog post for many months and have started it many, many times.
Today is the day to get serious and address the elephant in the room.
Back in February, my DH and I decided to get "healthy". We started respecting one another's work-out times, making better choices with our nutrition, and trying to get more sleep even with a baby on board. We started out strong. Things were going well. As is the case most of the time, he was dropping 5 pounds to every one that I was loosing. It's kinda hard to be competitive with stats like that. Then a funny thing happened....I started gaining weight....with abandon. How could this be happening? I was minding my P's and Q's. I was doing my workouts and working hard during my workouts. So hard, in fact, that I couldn't get through the day without a nap. On the days I worked out (everyday), I couldn't keep my eyes open after 1 pm. I told Chris I thought something else was going on here and he agreed.
So, we started on a different journey. One to find out what was going on with my hormones and molecules. I went to a practice here in Eugene that went straight to the source. After my initial consultation, I came away with a lab slip for 24 tests and supplies to finish 3 more on my own at home. I took the tests and supplements the MD gave me to help with my stamina and energy. And I've waited. Waited and waited.
During this time, I went from hoping that nothing was wrong, to hoping something was terribly wrong so I could validate the fact that things weren't "right". I fantasized about having this great team of medical professionals and dietitians helping me get back on track and flipping some imaginary switch to get my body in fat burning mode instead of fat storing mode.
So, here are the results in a nutshell......
I'm fat.
Way to state the obvious, huh? And it's not like I didn't already know this.
For the handful of genes that make you fat, I was tested for two of them which both came back positive. So, thanks Mom and Dad, for screwing me from the beginning.
I'm estrogen dominant. It has run rampant in my body all my life and has been the cause of many problems along the way. It is also the reason why my body continues to store fat despite my best efforts.
I'm "insulin resistant" but if it weren't for my daily glucose burning workout's, I would be a full fledged diabetic.
My body cannot absorb B vitamins and they are confused about what to do with water. A person wants nice fat plump (note the irony) cells full of water and mine are little raisins. At least something is little, right?
I have the wrong kind of bacteria in my gut, so my body is not getting the nutrients it needs from the food I eat.
Should I continue? I think not. I think I've heard enough.
So where's my team of professionals to turn things around? Well, for the low low price of my first born, it can all be mine. Is it worth it?
I've had many years to think about why I'm fat. I binge on food. I have terrible self-esteem. I'm depressed. The list is long and boring and you've all heard it before.
A friend of mine recently posted about her issues around food and being obese. I almost laughed at some of the responses. Don't you think she's tried that? I wanted to yell at them. It's almost like someone trying to teach a new Mom how to breastfeed. What worked for you may or may not work for me and my baby. It is as individual as life itself.
So, I say to this friend as well as myself:
You are about to embark on the hardest thing you have ever done in your life and that's CHANGE. Gaining weight was easy, giving birth was easy, losing everything and moving to a new state where you don't know anyone was easy. This will be the most difficult journey you have yet to face. BUT it is a journey. As long as you put one foot in front of the other and be forgiving of your missteps, you can accomplish this. It is a steep mountain that you and I need to climb BUT from what I've heard it's so worth it. So find someone or something that can lift you when you're down and pull you from above. Put your trust in the process and have faith along the way. Don't regret your yesterday's, have faith in tomorrow, and simply work today.
As for the Phat side of things.....catch me later.
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5 comments:
I am so sorry. I think I would throw a world-class tantrum if I worked as hard as you have to lose weight only to start gaining it.
Have things gotten any better since you found out some of the causes? Is there something you can do about the Vitamin B absorption? My sister is insulin resistant, and knowing that has actually helped her a LOT with losing weight, since she's had to cut way way back on carbs. I've been cutting back on carbs too and it's helped. I'm not as careful as I should be, but hey, every little bit right?
I love what you said about weight-loss being an individual thing. It's so true. If the same thing worked for everyone, we wouldn't have obesity. But some things are the same for everyone. Having friends and family who care about you, who cheer you on, that always helps. I wish I could be there in person so I could cheer you on, but I suppose virtual cheering will have to do.
Good luck! Keep up posted -I would love to hear what works and doesn't work for you. Even post the let downs. That way we can help lift you back up.
Christi, I am soo on the same page as you! I also had a test done, I'm not sure which one, but I was hoping that there would be something wrong so that I could say to everyone, "See! See! That's the reason why I'm soo fat!" Came back negative. I want you to know that I'm here for you too! If you need to vent or just having an off day, feeling a little overwhelmed or depressed, I'm here for you! You inspire me Christi! Thanks for the needed inspiration!
"Bennet"- I just got the results yesterday, so I'm still digesting all the information. I did receive a methylated B12 shot which means that it was pre-metabolized so my body would just absorb it. I have to admit I slept better and had more energy today, but we'll see how long that lasts. I've resolved to keep up my intense workouts while switching to a low-glycemic, low-gluten diet. I don't know how much stock I put into everything they told me was wrong, but it's definitely worth some lifestyle changes. Thanks for the support and I will keep you posted along the way.
Crazymama- we're in this together. You and me, baby!
That is so frustrating. I am sorry. I love what you said about weight-loss being an individual thing, too. It is hard for me to remember that. I think that if something works for someone I know that it should work for me too. Blah. Good luck!
Wow, crazy huh! I went on a no carb/no sugar first ever diet of my life, and the results were good, lost 20 lbs right away, but then I plateaued. I haven't taken the time to figure out why, but I'm not stressed about it either. OK, maybe a little bit. Like said before, I would throw a fit if I started gaining weight after putting so much effort in to losing it. Keep us updated on how things are going. We're all in this together. Maybe we should create a FB group :) I like them because then you can post in there privately. LMK if that's something you're interested in.
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