Lost

Although this is the title of one of my favorite shows, it simply describes how I feel lately.

As you all know, we have gone through a lot of changes recently. I think the straw that has broken my back is the death of my father.

We all knew it was inevitable as he has been fighting a losing battle with cancer the last 3 years. However, as much as you think you are prepared for it, NOTHING can prepare you for the mix of emotions that reek havoc with your life.

I try to function for the sake of my children, but I just can't seem to get going. I have a baby due in 8 weeks and I have no gumption to prepare a crib, wash up clothes or to even shop. I have no desire to explore our new surroundings here in Eugene.

I am lost and as I sit and ponder who will find me, I realize that now is the time to strengthen my relationship with the Savior, with my family and to finally become my own best friend.

Ponderings

There have been so many changes lately, that my heart and brain haven't had time to process it all. I thought I'd sit down today and do a little catching up.

• It pains my heart when I think of all the wonderful friends and family we left behind in Utah. I did my best to put on a happy face and keep my comments positive, but man, it has really been a struggle to keep the tears at bay. Chris and I have been married for 12 years this August and Lehi was the one place we had put down roots. We lived there for nearly 5 years which is the longest of anywhere. We lived in Philly for 4 years, but always knew it was temporary and didn't really allow ourselves to get attached. This was NOT the case in Lehi. We grew to love so many people and they really became special to us. I didn't realize how much I LOVED Lehi until I've lived here for a week. Mine is a lonely existence so far and I really really want to make some friends. I just don't want to appear overeager and scare normal people away.
  
• I really dislike my pregnant body. Many of you know, I worked hard to lose 30 pounds this last year. I was feeling very confident and optimistic about my future. Then things changed and it was time to finally have baby #4. What a mess! I've discovered the first signs of varicose veins. UGH! Don't even get me started on the stretch marks. I know, these are all things that many pregnant women face, but now my ankles are swelling and I'm sporting "support hose" to keep the pain at bay. I'm just falling apart. My 30 pounds is back with a vengeance and I haven't even started my 3rd trimester yet. I have never enjoyed being pregnant and I don't know why I thought this time would be any different. I have yet to find the joy of procreation except for maybe the actual "act". I've never enjoyed the larger breasts, my swelling abdomen and totally fail to see my personal beauty while being pregnant. Now, please don't misunderstand me: I'm very grateful to have this baby growing inside me and realize the privilege it is that not all women enjoy. I'm simply having a vain moment.
• I really love my husband. He is so kind and gentle. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body and is really accepting of all aspects of his life. He works hard and tries his best. Sometimes, as we recently learned, his best isn't good enough. I'm grateful that he is wise enough and humble enough to make the necessary changes to help our family survive and eventually thrive. He has been a champ through all these changes and has been my rock through it all. He truly is my best friend, and I'm glad we have eternity to be together. I'm grateful he cherishes his Priesthood responsibilities and blesses our home with it's power.
  
• Our new ward is.....I think I'll reserve my judgments for later. We have been asked numerous times how long we plan on staying. Well, we aren't students, we aren't here for a contracted amount of time, and we don't have any ties to the Northwest. We are simply here and will remain here until the Lord takes us somewhere else, I guess. I find it rather entertaining. There were all of 9 children in Senior Primary and this included my 2 boys today. My hope is that by the time school starts and families are done with vacations, they will be in the double digits on a regular basis. We have the "office" missionaries in our ward which includes the senior couples. Today, they spoke about the joys of service and made the plug for more couple missionaries. That's never something we would've heard in our old ward. It was kinda refreshing. It will take some time to adjust, but we look forward to getting to know more people and finding some lasting friendships among them.

Well, I could go on and on, but it's time to put the kidlets to bed and put my swollen feet up. I realize this post should have been titled "ramblings" but I have thought a lot about what I wanted to write and how I wanted to write it, hence it has been pondered upon.

Changes

It's about time I updated this thing. In case you're wondering, I am feeling much better. The sickness has all but resolved itself, but now I'm entering into the "beached whale" stage and not as quick on my feet as I used to be. It's all good. I'm happy to know for sure that this will be THE LAST pregnancy for this body.

Last weekend, I traveled to Eugene on a house hunting mission. What we thought was a house way out of reach actually ended up being the perfect one. The owner took it off the market to give us a year lease with monthly rent being 2/3rds of their mortgage payment. We have been very blessed in this journey. So, without further ado, here are some pictures of our new home:

This is the pond in the back yard

Half of the backyard

Mater Bedroom

Front Room with lots of light for those few days of sunshine

The front of the house. Not very good at centering the camera, am I?
And no, that's not me in the picture.

We will be packing up the house June 28 & 29th. I'm excited to take the kiddos to Sacramento to visit my sister and her family there. We will finally venture to Eugene July 5th. It has been a long month. Chris has been working in Eugene since the 5th of June and it's been difficult to be separated. We look forward to being a whole family under the same roof soon.

Saying good-bye to our friends and family has been so difficult. We have truly come to love our neighbors and consider them part of our family. We have all grown so much during our time here, both physically and spiritually. There are many people who have been indispensable in teaching our children and looking out for our well-being. There are many concerns regarding this move, but we still feel the Lord's hand guiding us and helping/blessing us along the way.

BTW, here's the link to Chris' new work environment. You can check out the doctors. Dr. Colby is the owner that has been BEYOND amazing with his generosity and all around awesomeness.

http://www.oregondentalcare.com/1_our_doctor.php

It's About Time.....

I haven't been feeling well for the last 4 months and it doesn't look like there's gonna be much improvement until (hopefully) October. So, it's time I muscle through. The weird thing about this pregnancy is that I have daily headaches. Sometimes they morph into migraines and sometimes they are just a little annoying, but having a headache on a daily basis sure puts a crimp in your mood.

Our time here in Utah is quickly coming to a close. Chris will leave in a few short weeks to start his new job in Oregon and I will hang back with the kiddos until he finds us suitable housing. I feel really good about this move until I have a moment to be surrounded by family and friends. Sunday's are the worst for me. Things are going to be so much different. But good at the same time.

I went on a Girl's Night last weekend and really had a good time. I really love the group of ladies that gathered together to laugh and play games. At dinner, things got a little crazy and I was beat red out of pure embarrassment. Then the tears started to flow because I realized just how much I'm going to miss my wonderful friends although they embarrass the heck outta me! I have really been blessed to be surrounded by wonderful examples of women in my generation. We are all different, we all struggle with different situations, but we know how to support and love one another through it all. We know how to check our differences at the door and rejoice in our "sisterhood".

My hope is that I have invested sufficient time in these friendships, that I won't be easily forgotten.

Decisions, Decisions

I can't believe it's already been 3 months since my last post. So here's what's been going on around here.....

Two weeks before Christmas, Chris was laid off from his Orem job. This came as quite a shock. He has worked there for nearly 5 years and the owner has offered to sell to him numerous times. This was quite devastating, as this job was keeping our own office in SLC afloat. Due to patient obligations, Chris had to work through January. Nothing's more fun that going to a job that doesn't want you there. Ironically, this was a blessing in disguise. We had decided to start looking out of state and move during 2010. Losing this income made it a necessity rather than optional.

We learned through a miraculous revelation that it was time to finally have child #4. I always thought and required a personal visit from on High to get me pregnant again. We made the necessary arrangements (i.e. Secondary Insurance/"Maternity" Insurance) in January. This required us to wait until March to be in effect for the birth of the child. Well, that wasn't good enough for the Man Upstairs and I was pregnant the end of January. Knowing full well how to physically get pregnant, we have no idea how this happened! Definitely "meant" to happen in a timely manner. I have been VERY sick. I usually start feeling better about the 2nd trimester, so here's hoping all be good to go in April. The baby is due in Mid October and our kids are SUPER excited. They've already started throwing out names, most of which are related to Star Wars.

Since, Chris has found a wonderful opportunity in Eugene, OR. He has been guaranteed a minimum salary for the first 6 months which he is expected to exceed in only 4 months time. He would be working in a large practice with multiple colleagues and inherit over 2400 patients from a previous associate. He will also be "marketed" as a Spanish Speaking dentist to serve the ever growing Latin population. I know...Latin and Oregon don't really seem to go together, but apparently there is a great need. As we continue to negotiate this job, things just keep looking better and better. We are asking ourselves, "Why wouldn't we do this?"

To top everything off, I've been asked to speak in Stake Conference on Sunday. Man or Man! I'm grateful for the heads up, but I've been so sick the last few days, I've done nothing. As a youth, I was called upon from the congregation to share my testimony in Stake Conference. So to my local friends: don't expect great things.

Shakespear's Unveiled

So, in an effort to save a few trees, I have referred all of you here to learn about our past year. It has been a fun and rather uneventful year as compared to years past. I think the one thing that has affected our family the most is our Ward split. Without moving anywhere, our whole lives have changed and we're getting to know more people in the neighborhood.



Christopher is still practicing Dentistry. He is surviving this economy and still trying to improve his office. He is still involved in the Scouting program. He is Scout Master over the 11-year old scout program at Church. He LOVES it. He was born to Scout. He is mastering the ability to multi-task but, alas, it is with video games and computer surfing instead of laundry and washing dishes. He enjoys playing with the kiddos and our 55 lb Basset Hound that thinks she's a lap dog. He was able to take the boys to Star Wars in Concert and shed a small tear of joy. He still LOVES everything Star Wars and Science Fiction.

Christi is still working for Chris from home. She volunteers at the school once a week and serves in the Primary Presidency as the 2nd Counselor; hence, she is learning to love scouts. She continues to learn new things and tried her hand at crochet this year. Although you would never guess she has time to read, she still reads about a novel a week. Her big adventure this year was getting stung by a jelly fish in Mazatlan that turned her whole arm numb and took several hours and loads of Benadryl to return to normal.

Zacory is excelling in school. He really enjoys 4th grade. He misses his old teacher (and so does Mom) but is learning to have patience with his classmates. He has achieved his Bear in Scouts and takes after his Dad for this particular aptitude. He takes after his Mom in that he is reading all the time. He has found some good authors to follow. His new hobby is playing flag football with the neighborhood boys. We have hopes that he'll get rough & tough here soon and begin competing with his peers in sporting games. He also has started watching after his Brother and Sister for short spurts of time and little amounts of money. He's our little entrepreneur when it comes to doing extra chores around the house for even more money. He wants a College Fund for Christmas.

Tyler is also doing well in school. His teacher this year in very observant and involved, which is what this kid needs. He is getting better at reading and will probably be fighting over books with his brother soon enough. He is a very social being and loves to get involved with friends around the 'hood. But he is also completely content to play in his room with his Legos by himself. He is loving the world of Wii and in constantly issuing challenges to Mom and Dad. He is very kind and such a peacemaker in our home. He is always ready with a smile and hug! It makes us happy to see him progressing and improving in nearly everything. He has such the talent for construction and math; therefore, his whole Christmas Wish List is Lego related.

Samantha keeps us hopping around here. She goes to Pre-School 3 times a week which allows Mom some time to herself. She is quite popular at school.....especially with the boys. They are constantly vying for her attention at playtime for she's the rough & tough one that instigates most of the trouble. Although, she still loves to come home and gather up her dolls on the staircase and "read" a book to them. Her hobby of late is Checkers. That girl gets it and really makes the rest of us work to get a win. She has quite the aptitude for reading as well. She has several story books memorized and is spelling short words. She went to Disney Princesses on Ice and sat mesmerized the whole time. Hence, her Christmas Wish is to BE a princess. I hope she's happy with a doll or two or six.

We wish you all a very Merry Christmas and hope your hearts are touched with the magic of this wonderful season. We consider ourselves very blessed and extremely loved. Please keep in touch with us and may you all have a great 2010!

Mars Vs. Venus

When Chris and I were first married, we took a marriage class at BYU. I remember having a discussion about chores and splitting up the chores to maintaining a house. I recall the professor talking about distinct responsibilities that seem to be inherently male and female; taking out the trash, washing dishes, doing laundry, etc. You get the idea.

Well, now I've grown up and we have some interesting division of labor around here. I've tried to maintain the mantra: If I can physically do it, I will. This has led to my adventures in mowing the lawn, weeding, hanging up wall decor with a drill too big for my hand, climbing ladders and scooping up dog poop.

Now when it comes to snow removal our views are quite different. You see, I married a country boy that grew up in the sticks. The problem with sticks is that they don't shovel very well, not like smooth concrete. So the "Mars" perspective is to only clear the snow when it is hindering the evacuation of a vehicle....which usually translates into a foot or more. The other "Mars" view seems to be to pack the snow down and make it slick and near impossible to remove from the driveway not to mention ascend our inclined driveway to park the vehicle in the garage.

IF the drive gets shoveled, it is this "Venus" who does it most of the time. It's a little embarrassing to be the one out there with all the other men shoveling out their wives. I prefer to get out there before dawn so my wonderful MARS doesn't have a chance to pack it down with his 2 ton vehicle (OK, so it's not that big). I like a clean drive-way. I like to have my walkway free of ice and snow so solicitors won't sue me for slipping around the corner to sell me something I didn't want in the first place or have my neighbors bring me warm treats.

So here's this "Venus" Christmas wish: Shovel the drive and walkway. Just because I am physically capable of doing it doesn't mean I'm the only one who can do it. Tap into your chivalrous soul and just make your "Venus" happy with a nice clean driveway.